Do you need Premarital Therapy?
Getting engaged and planning a wedding can be great fun and bring you closer as a couple.
However, there’s nothing magical about engagement or the wedding that makes your relationship 100% perfect. Engaged couples, just like married couples, can have challenges in their relationship.
I created a video blog about this topic. If you’d like to also read about these Signs you Need Premarital Therapy, please check out the article below. Here’s my vlog:
Here are 5 Signs you need Premarital Therapy
1. You avoid talking about difficult things
Most couples have topics that are challenging to discuss. That’s normal.
What can be problematic is if you are avoiding talking about those topics. You may avoid difficult topics out of fear you’ll start arguing, fear of reaching a stalemate, or fear of upsetting your partner.
Premarital Counseling can help you have productive conversation about the following topics:
- Whether or not to have children
- Money, sex, or politics
- Religion
- Drug or Alcohol use
- Relationships with family members, especially your future in-laws
- Handling of household duties
- Life goals around work, money, family, and what makes you happy
2. You’re afraid to have arguments and don’t talk about feeling distant
If you think you’re supposed to be happy all the time during engagement, it can start to feel like a lot of pressure to feel something that’s not realistic.
You will probably have uncertainties, difficult moments or disconnections, just like any other couple.
But when you feel like you’re the only one, it starts to feel scary. You might worry, “What’s wrong with our relationship?” The truth is, all couples argue and feel distant sometimes.
The sign of a relationship that will last is knowing what to do when you get stuck or start to disconnect. Your relationship is more likely to last if you practice at repairing hurts and reconnecting when there’s distance. Strong couples also check in regularly with each other about how the relationship is feeling.
3. You have repetitive arguments and you don’t know how fix them
Does this sound like your relationship?
- “We fight about the same things all the time.”
- “He withdraws from me.”
- “She’s so critical of me.”
- “If we fight, we’re upset with each other for days!”
- “We don’t solve anything. The same issues just fester between us.”
It’s normal for relationships to have rough patterns that repeat. None of us are the same in our experiences, family styles of communication and instincts, and so many couples disagree about lots of topics.
Good relationships get stuck in the same ways, but they know how to repair their moments of rupture.
You will trigger each other.
You will react in anger, defensiveness, and by retreating. Those reactions will impact your partner.
You will also feel more vulnerable feelings like, “I really miss you.” Or, “I just want to make you happy because you mean so much to me.”
When you can identify your negative pattern, you can each own what you do to make it worse.
You’ll also be able to talk about your tender, vulnerable feelings underneath that will actually make it better. When you work at sharing your vulnerable feelings, it will bring you and your fiancé closer.
Do you know your fiancé’s triggers? Does your fiancé know what makes it harder for you when you argue? Do you know theirs? Do you respond when your fiancé reaches out to repair?
Premarital therapy with an Emotionally Focused Couple Therapist will help you do all of these things. Check out our post on how learning about your attachment style can help your relationship.
- Wedding planning has taken over and replaced romance, deep conversations and sex
You have to nurture your relationship to make it last and avoid problems.
Planning a wedding can bring you closer and you can have fun together. However, it’s also a huge project that takes a lot of work.
Think about making wedding planning be about togetherness and closeness. If you make your relationship the main goal rather than completing the wedding tasks on your list, your engagement can be a time of wonderful closeness.
Don’t stop going on dates, having sex or being affectionate, talking deeply and doing things just for fun.
No matter how many things are on your to-do list, they’re not as important as nurturing your relationship. Premarital Counseling can give you an opportunity to nurture your relationship throughout engagement.
- You forget about your long-term relationship
Planning a wedding and a wedding ceremony can make you forget about the long term care and nurturing of your relationship.
Premarital Therapy helps you prioritize the strengthening your relationship. Putting in the time now to build closeness and a strong relationship will pay off in a relationship that lasts.
Call us today at 303-513-8975 for a free 20-minute consultation to see if Premarital Counseling is right for you and your fiancé. You can also go ahead and schedule an appointment online now.
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