9+ Great Things about EFT-Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy

Why Couples Choose Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT)?

There are so many reasons why EFT is considered one of the most highly effective Couples Therapy models. To name just a few:

Research-based approach with the best results of any other couples therapy approach, including long-term results
Research demonstrating changes in the brain as measured by significantly reduced pain and fear after EFT
EFT brings deep changes that couples use in the heat of the moment, and not just when they can remember to use communication skills
EFT is a way of life and a way of looking at the world through an attachment lens. We’re wired to be close and secure with our partners. Good Couples Therapy is about figuring out why that closeness isn’t happening and to shape and foster that closeness.

My husband and I celebrated our 27th year of marriage a couple months ago. I am so grateful for such a satisfying and close relationship – but it wasn’t always this good. We saw an EFT oriented therapist at year 10 and found the process to be very healing. It was a lot of work – and a very vulnerable process of learning to open up and share our deepest fears and longings with one another. I can honestly say that the work has been worth it and has lasted. Reaching out for contact, care, and comfort still seems risky at times, but I know it is the path to a loving and close relationship. Pam Semmler, LPC, CAC III, Certified Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist, www.PamSemmler.com, Denver, CO

Why is EFT so great for couples? Well, EFT simply makes sense–in couples’ heads, but most importantly, in their hearts. If not for EFT, I don’t know what type of therapist (and wife) I would be today. My husband and I know our demon dialogue (negative pattern). We can recognize it from a distance…we can even predict it coming! What is most rewarding about this process, is that after we catch ourselves in our dance, we are able to quickly talk about what happened, repair it, and grow stronger as a couple. Marta Kem, LMFT, www.MartaKem.com, Westminster, CO

EFT has been a revolutionary process for me both professionally and personally. The Attachment Theory so strongly resonates with me that I apply its principles to all my work – not just with couples, but individuals and families as well. On a personal note, the concepts and application have allowed me to develop deeply secure bonds with my husband and my two beautiful children. I am so blessed to be a part of this community! Laura Santomauro LMFT, www.JHFamilySolutions.com Jackson Hole, WY

I love EFT because I finally have a map of how to help couples out of distress and help them reconnect again. EFT is great because couples learn and understand their dance or negative pattern so they can step out of it and have their feelings and needs heard in a new way. As a therapist, it is a beautiful thing to see a couple who was sitting on opposite sides of the couch, by the end of the session, speak softer to each other, come closer together and even hold hands again or hug! EFT really guides couples to rekindle the love and reconnect in a new and better way! Jessica Marchena, LMHC, www.HeartConnectionCenter.com, Boca Raton, FL

The BEST thing about EFT has been incorporating it into my marriage. I’ve been working the model for 8 years now and it’s been a tremendous help for me learning that our fights were really about attachment fear and loss. Realizing that his behavior wasn’t because he was just self-centered, egotistical, or narcissistic, I began to see him through more loving and compassionate eyes. As I was able to catch myself in our cycle, I would look within – “what is really going on for me?” “What is my primary emotion that has been triggered?” and “What do I really need or long for in our relationship?” I found the courage to risk and share how hurt or scared I get when he dismisses something I say or when I feel ignored by him. From this softened place he was able to own thoughtless behavior and apologize. It has given us the ability to love, complain and laugh more freely. Carolyn Gerard, MFT, www.GerardCounseling.com San Diego, CA

Favorite EFT quote: “It is presence, not perfection” that matters in our most important relationships (Sue Johnson). I used this quote as part of an engagement toast to a dear friend and her fiancé. They’re both in their sixties, having been married before, and now working hard to turn to each other with their vulnerability. Daniela Abbott, LMFT, www.GrowthandResultsCounseling.com Denver, CO

EFT has been great for couples wanting to transform their relationship. It helps couples create a “safe haven” and sense of security for the relationship. This enables partners to be more vulnerable with each other. Couples learn to express themselves from the core of their emotional experience. From this, they can ask for their needs to be met by their partner and also let their partner meet their needs. This isn’t just a theory or an idea… as humans we are wired for this. Marni Feuerman, LCSW, LMFT, www.TheTalkingSolution.com, Boca Raton, FL

Working with a couple before they marry using EFT has helped them to prepare to deal with the inevitable ups and downs of marriage. Each person gets to take a look at what their behavior is that feeds the negative cycle. When they don’t feel close to each other, couples learn how to repair and find each other again. Andrea Silver LCSW, www.AndreaSilver.net, Denver, CO

EFT has made me see the world differently, through softer and more hopeful eyes. I am a far better parent and spouse having learned EFT. I now see and take opportunities to open my heart to my loved ones. I recognize how I can get stuck with my husband, and know what to do to get back to closeness with him. I have more compassion for my clients and my own family, even when they do things that are frustrating. I love that EFT gives couples on the brink of divorce or break-up hope and an effective map to get them back to an even deeper love and connection. Allison Rimland, LPC www.MarriageCounselinginDenver.com Denver, CO