How to Know When You Need Couples Therapy

(and can’t do it on your own)

“We aren’t getting along. But, do we need couples therapy?”

Most of us would like to be happy in our relationships and achieve this happiness on our own. No relationship is immune from times of struggle though.

Sometimes, people are able work through conflict and build lasting, secure and happy relationships with their partner on their own.

So, how can you tell if you are in a temporary rough patch that you can work through on your own? How do you know if you need couples therapy instead?

Perhaps you find yourself daydreaming about feeling closer, enjoying sex more, having your partner be more of an ally in parenting or household responsibilities.

If your relationship is not how you want it to be – check out our video and tips below on how to know when you need couples therapy.

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Step 1 – Decide When You Need Couples Therapy and Can’t Do It on Your Own

Some people wait to get couples counseling until the pain is too much to manage.

They wait until an affair happens, or they are on the brink of divorce. As relationship counselors, we can tell you that waiting this long absolutely makes couples therapy more challenging.

Ideally, you will seek couples therapy earlier – when you are trying to solve a problem, feeling distant, or starting to notice some conflict in your relationship.

You may also see changes in your sex life, and begin to notice the connection between how close you feel, how you’re getting along, and whether you or your partner desire sex as much as you used to.

You don’t have to try to solve these issues on your own. Trained couples therapists can help you learn to recognize and break negative patterns, create change and renew trust, love and connection.


Step 2 – Look for the Signs:

Any significant life changes can take a toll on your relationship and therapy can help you come together as a couple rather than be torn apart.

It is said that as much as 20% of people don’t get counseling help when they need it.

Couples therapy is much more successful if you seek it out early – when you start to have difficulties you can’t seem to fix on your own. Resentments and hurt can build easily.

Step 3 – Reach out to a Couples Therapy Specialist

Therapy is an investment in the success of your relationship.

A healthy relationship involves two partners who make a commitment to the relationship and work to make it grow and succeed. A loving relationship takes a lot of effort and regular, open, healthy communication– which can require some additional support and “tune-ups”.

It can be scary to think of bringing a third party into your most intimate relationship. What will the therapist say? What will they make me say? What will my partner say?

It is normal to feel scared or uncertain of what to expect in Couples Therapy.

Reach out anyway.

We are here to answer your questions and create hope and change.

Read more here about signs you need couples therapy. If you are a premarital couple, here are the signs you should seek help as one of your must have wedding plans. Struggling to get the ball rolling? Here’s why you aren’t getting help (and what to do about it).

Call us today at Thrive, 303-513-8975, and speak to one of the couples counselors to see how we can help you and your partner take the first step toward healing your relationship. If you are ready to start changing your relationship now, schedule your first session anytime.

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Stay tuned for the next video on how to talk to your partner about coming to therapy. Sign up here to be notified when it’s live. 

About the Author

Denver Tech Center Counselors specializing in Couples Therapy, Marriage Counseling, Pre-Marital Counseling, and Individual Therapy for Relationship Issues.


  1. Roger Middleton

    Posted on November 2, 2017 at 6:53 pm

    My wife and I have been having some problems and we aren’t sure if couples counseling is what we need or not. I liked that you had mentioned that it can be important to look for a specialist if you don’t agree on parenting styles or if you have the same fight repeatedly. Since we have problems like this and we’re trying to work things out, we might have to start looking for a couples counselor that can help us out.

    • Thrive Couple and Family Counseling Says :

      Posted on November 16, 2017 at 1:14 pm

      Roger, it sounds like you struggle together in ways many, many couples do. There is something so helpful about having a third party help you begin to shift the ways you communicate around things like parenting. I don’t think there’s such a thing as starting couples counseling too soon.

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