Skip to main content
Orange text that reads "The Power of Praise - How Positive Reinforcement Creates Lasting Relationships" above a photo of a man holding a child in front of a neutral background. they are both smiling.

Power of Praise – How Positive Reinforcement Creates Lasting Relationships

Good girl to write your blog! Oh. Hi. That’s me, praising myself, compliments of this wonderful “Real Simple” article.

I love this concept and probably need to work on praising myself and others more. Great job to set a goal! Way to go for making dinner. Awesome that you snagged at least 10 snuggles in with your 3 year old today. Thanks hubby for making it to the grocery store and the gym. Wow, you played so gently with your sister and made her giggle.

The reminder to pile on the praise makes me think of potty training (and really, what doesn’t remind me of potty training these days?). I read another recommendation recently (which I cannot relocate in order to credit) which said to eliminate (!) any dialogue about potty training unless it is praising the correct behaviors. Easy enough to decide, much harder to implement.

This recommendation is quite similar to the parenting concept of the “soggy potato chip theory” coined by Fitzhugh Dodson in “How to Discipline With Love” (1977). The idea is that any attention, even negative, is better than no attention. In other words, if all a child (person, pet, coworker) receives is negative attention, they will seek it out through the repetition of the behavior that elicits it, usually, acting out.

In the world of potty training, I am SLOWLY learning that any prodding, cajoling, bribing is adding up to a big old pile of soggy potato chips and no poopy in the potty. Good girl to back away from the potty!

Both our relationships with our children and our partners need a balance of positive reinforcement that outweighs the negative. Marriage and relationship researcher John Gottman has found that a ratio of 5 positive reinforcements to every 1 negative makes relationships last.

Try it for yourself. Go and praise everyone in your family for something good. And don’t forget yourself!

If your marriage, partnership or parenting could use some help in keepin’ it positive, call me at 303-513-8975 or schedule your appointment to work toward the relationship you want with the people you love.

Related News

How Playing With Your Child Can Help You Be A Better Parent | centennial colorado relationship therapy

How Playing With Your Child Can Help You Be A Better Parent

Imagine someone asking you the question: “Can playing with your child make you a better...

A graphic that reads "How to Talk to Your Teenager About School Shootings" in dark orange text on a white background above a stock photo of a white mother talking to her young teen son, with her hand on his head in comfort. The teen looks upset, with his head in his hands.

How to Talk to Your Teenager About School Shootings

Parenthood is full of difficult conversations. At every stage, we parents can struggle to know...

A graphic that reads "Effective Parenting Advice for Managing Teens’ Screen Time" in dark orange text above a stock photo of a white mother and teen child sitting on the couch. The mother has a laptop on her lap and the daughter is holding and looking at a phone.

Balancing Act: Effective Parenting Advice for Managing Teens’ Screen Time

As a parenting counselors that work with a wide range of clients, one of the...

We offer options for either in-office or online video counseling sessions & are currently accepting new clients. Contact us to learn more or schedule now.
68 Inverness Ln E STE 106, Englewood, CO 80112 | 303-513-8975

X
Call Now Button