Why do couples wait to get the help they need? For most people, it’s because they are afraid of some negative outcome. But, what if those fears are based on common couples counseling myths? We want to dispel these myths so you can get the help you need and deserve to Thrive as a couple.
These couples counseling myths typically include some fear of being judged, blamed, or losing this most important relationship. Some of the misconceptions we hear in our Greenwood Village couples therapy practice include:
Myth #1: “We have failed if we seek couples counseling.”
When people assume they should be able to work through their challenges on their own, the idea of couples therapy can feel very scary. They tell themselves that it’s an indication of failure to pursue counseling. They may even conclude it’s a sign there is something deeply wrong with the relationship.
Fact: Strong couples seek out help when they are getting stuck, and they do it EARLY.
The research shows that couples who enter Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy are able to move from distress to secure and happy relationships 75% of the time. Those positive results are way too good to be called a failure!
Other research indicates that those who don’t improve have likely waited too long to seek help with problems in their relationship.
In our eyes, seeking help is not in any way an indication of failure. In reality, it shows a couple’s determination, courage, and readiness to work towards building an enjoyable, healthy, and fulfilling relationship. When a couple
Myth #2: “I will be blamed for the problems in our relationship.”
Fact: Counseling helps couples work through and prevent “shaming and blaming” patterns.
No one wants to feel like the Bad Guy. If you are afraid your partner or your couples therapist will blame you, it makes sense that the idea of couples therapy would feel scary or make you feel defensive!
Good, solid, research-based couples therapy like EFT does not pathologize or blame. In fact, one of the most common negative cycles a couple can have is called “Find the Bad Guy!” We help couples break out of this blaming pattern all the time!
Of course, significant challenges such as affairs and addictions can have a huge negative impact on a relationship. However, couples often experience negative cycles apart from or tacked onto those tremendous challenges too. Most importantly, couples need help to talk about those big wounds in a way that will not reinforce a “shaming and blaming” dynamic.
Myth #3: Couples therapy is too expensive.
Fact: Getting the right help, ideally earlier, can save you significantly. It’s true couples therapy (especially with a highly trained specialist in couples therapy) is not inexpensive. However, when most people think about how much is on the line with your relationship, many people can understand why this is not the time to be cutting corners.
For married couples, divorce is an incredibly expensive process in terms of money, time and, most especially, heartache. Couples with children have even more reason to invest in efforts to maintain healthy family relationships.
If you can recognize early that you are caught in a negative pattern, and get some help, you can save yourselves many years of pain and many dollars’ worth of therapy or divorce proceedings.
If you’re ready to make lasting changes that will strengthen your relationship, contact our Denver couples counselors: 303-513-8975, X1, or schedule online today: Schedule Appointment